grandma shit on top of the toilet
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
