i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
