I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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