my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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