Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
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Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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