I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
