I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize