Say something about gay babies.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
