This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
