Betty ford says i'm here all night
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
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We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
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I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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