MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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