While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
