So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
