I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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