so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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