you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
