the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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