If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
