Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
