he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
