it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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