Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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