I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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