I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just high enough for therapy.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
