xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
