The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
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I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
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I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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