i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
