Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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