the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
