the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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