in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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