she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
