If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
