He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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