My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I checked into jail on foursquare
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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