this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
