Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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