Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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