Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
