we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
