did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
