Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
