why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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