ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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