Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
