She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
