guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
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She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
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And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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