How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
