Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
