One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
