R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
