I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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