I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You're like the curious george of whores
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
