problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
