i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
