i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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