Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I could have mohawked her pubes.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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