My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
