I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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