Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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