you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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