i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
