I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
