Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
