Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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