i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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