Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
