We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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